"Heaven's coming to get him"

That's what The Boy said when we told him what was going to happen to Coal. Ah, to be his age and have his perspective on things. It was just that simple. He did want to know the vet's role in the whole procedure, and if someone would be in Heaven to play frisbee with Coal.

*sniff*

Last Sunday night Coal suffered a minor stroke, although we didn't realize it. He seemed sore from an overactive day. Monday morning he had a real hard time getting his back end off the ground. I countered his Rimadyl with 650 mg of aspirin twice a day, but by Tuesday he was no better physically, though mentally he was still intact. MFH called the vet who told him what probably happened and said we did not have to put Coal to sleep, but to realize that another stroke, probably a major one, would be forthcoming and it would be ugly. We made a pact with each other long ago that we would let our dogs go with dignity and never allow them to suffer. That was the worst part of this whole process - I had to make the decision to put an end to my dog's life.

Coal chose me to be his person. That's how it is with dogs. They choose a person to bond with. For 13 1/2 years he was a major part of my life. People can say their dogs are family members, but mine truly was like a child to me. We took him everywhere with us. When he couldn't use the dog ramp to get in and out of the SUV any longer, MFH would lift him in and out. We are the people who show up at your house with our kid and our dog.

He owned me. And I am overwrought with grief.

The Boy? He plays frisbee with me now when we get home at the end of the day. He sits at my feet and pants. He wants so badly for me to feel better.

I cried, "No more dogs for me. You and The Boy can have a dog and you will feed it and play with it and exercise it. I will not do this again."

MFH replied, "Hon, you know that's not how it works. The dog chooses the person, not the other way around."

"I will just have to make sure it doesn't choose me."

And then I read this statement: "The measure of a person is whether they let themselves love again, knowing the pain and grief will eventually be repeated."

I know I will. I can't imagine my life without a dog.

It will take time.

There will never be another Coal.

RIP, my friend, my buddy, my baby-dog.

Thanks to all of you for your condolences.