Happy Birthday, Baby!

Today we celebrate your fourth birthday! On April 23, 2002, thousands of miles away from us, you were born. I remember the first time I held you. I had tears streaming down my face, and I told your Gramma and Grammy, "I knew that I would love him, but I didn't know that it would feel like this."

On most days I think of the woman that gave birth to you. I think of her in a special way on this day. I wonder if she is thinking of you and wondering what kind of life you have and if you are happy, or if she did the right thing in making an adoption plan for you. I am grateful to her. She is the reason I could become a mother. She is the reason we are a family - you, me and dad. She is the reason that I love someone so fiercely that I would give my life for them. She is the reason I know how that feels.

Yesterday you were running out to play and I said, "Hey little one, would you stop growing so fast?" and you turned to me and said, "I can't mommy!" Time is going so quickly, baby. I still call you baby and you still let me. You still let me rock you at night before sleep. You tell me that when you get 'big big' I won't be able to hold you anymore. But for now you raise your arms to me and say, "Hold me please, mommy!" And I do, because someday soon you won't want me to, and that breaks my heart. I still tiptoe into your room at night and look at your sweet face. Sometimes I lay with you, and sometimes I just brush the hair from your forehead and kiss your cheek. Sometimes you open your eyes when I whisper "I love you" and you whisper "love you too."

I wish a lot of things for you, little one. For you, the sky is not the limit.

Happy birthday, baby.