It isn't fair

I remember saying this as a child. Who among us doesn't?

When The Boy says it to me, I give him the canned response that my mother gave me - "Life isn't fair."

Yesterday when The Boy got to school, he sat down next to one of his friends. Bryce walked up to him, said "That's my spot" and kicked The Boy.

The Boy kicked him back.

"I didn't start it, mom."

But he definitely finished it.

When the principal called me, she admitted that she didn't see the altercation. Bryce walked up to her crying, and told on The Boy, who was then punished. Just The Boy.

The Boy has been sitting next to Bryce since school started. (The teacher moved Bryce yesterday.) One of the first things The Boy told me about school is that Bryce doesn't like him. When I asked why, he said, "I don't know. He just says he doesn't like me." Now, who in kindergarten says such a thing? I know feelings come and go, and you may not be friends for a day, but to just say "I don't like you" and mean it?

The Boy had to visit with the counselor, who instead of listening to him, lectured him on how to avoid confrontation. Big help. Do you think he lives with Neanderthals? We've taught him all that. We've taught him that it's never okay to start a fight. We've taught him that it's better if he can walk away. We've also taught him that it's okay to defend himself if he absolutely has to. It's a judgement call, and that will come with maturity. Yesterday he felt he had to defend himself.

When he came home we talked about the fight. "Bryce started that fight, mom. He always does. It's not fair that he never has to go to the principal with me."

No, it isn't fair. Sometimes life is sucky that way.

(for the record, we plan to visit the school if it happens again - and find out if and why the punishment is so one sided)