I Never Knew

Saturday night we traveled 90 miles to watch Joel play hockey. The Boy was watching a DVD on the way up, and MFH and I were talking about our journey to become a family. Our adoption was plagued with glitches, but we were fortunate to know people fostering in Guatemala and we received lots of pictures and updates along the way. We got to see him grow and change through their eyes.

The Boy's adoption story is just that - his story. We've never divulged the details of his life before coming to live with us to anyone but immediate family. In the interest of this post, I will just say that there had not been many men in The Boy's life when he was a baby, and we were concerned about how he'd react to and attach to MFH.

There was turmoil surrounding adoption in Guatemala at the time we had our pick up trip. When The Boy arrived at our hotel, the guards outside would not let his caregivers park to come in. MFH knew the color of the vehicle they were driving, and after seeing this car drive around and around the entrance, he ran outside. His intuition was right on - our son was in that car.

I ran out to find MFH sitting in the backseat of the car, cradling our son, who was visibly scared.

They sat, entwined, for hours.

I would stroke The Boy's forehead and talk to him, but I was content with that.

Saturday night MFH asked me if that had bothered me. He knew that the wait was hard on me and that I was aching to hold our son. I told him no. As much as I wanted to hold The Boy, I knew he was scared and I didn't want to upset him. See, I knew that I loved this child. But so much of this journey had been about my feelings and my ups and downs, and MFH was the rock. I'm not sure that I ever knew how hard the wait was for him.

MFH then said, "Having him cling to me that day was the single best thing that has happened to me in my entire life."

Now I know.