Double The Fun
It's no secret that we waited a long time to become parents.
We had a failed domestic adoption about 9 years ago. It's funny, because we still think and talk about her - we were trying to figure out just the other night how old she is now. Neither of us can remember, and that is something that should be etched into our memories. It was painful. She was in our home for a week. The birthmom changed her mind because she got arrested and thrown in jail while running a red light on the way to the airport to flee the state - and we were advised, probably wisely, not to bail her out. She took the baby back in her anger, and fled the state anyway, leaving the baby with her grandmother. That would have been fine had grandma been a good parent, but we knew the family, and she was not a fit parent.
This is a good segue into the next phase. We became certified to foster parent several years later, thinking we could foster adopt. There was an article in our newspaper last Sunday regarding the number of grandparents in our state that raise their grandchildren. They don't ask for state assistance most of the time, even though they would qualify, and it is estimated that saves the state $116,000.00 per day. PER DAY. All to keep the kids out of foster care. We put what they said was too many restrictions on what we would accept into our home. They knew we wanted a permanent placement anywhere from newborn to three years old. We never got a call, and if it's because the grandparents are raising the kids, that is okay.
On to intercountry adoption. Frankly, after a failed domestic adoption we were scared shitless to go that route again, and by then I felt too old to market myself to a teenaged mother.
Most adoptions are driven by the female in the relationship. MFH was a willing participant in our case. He was the rock. I say that because the adoption process got to be an emotional nightmare for me. We hit a lot of snags along the way, and it took longer than the norm at the time. Now I know there is no such thing as the norm, but back then all I knew was that I had waited all my life to mother this boy, and he was thousands of miles away from me, growing without us.
Then I got to hold him. I still remembered the pain, but it wasn't nearly as sharp, and over time it has faded much like the pain of labor, I suppose.
I knew that in all probability, we would adopt only once. But I still think about it. I'm sure The Boy would benefit from having a sibling, and I am haunted with the reality that he will one day bury one of us by himself. Oh, hopefully he'll be grown with a family, but there is no guarantee of that. MFH does not really want to go through the process again. I don't blame him, and we are so lucky to have what we have. I know that. The Boy is a blessing. Many women out there cannot afford fertility treatments or adoption. I am thankful for what I have.
But damn it would be fun to adopt another boy and name him Angus.
We had a failed domestic adoption about 9 years ago. It's funny, because we still think and talk about her - we were trying to figure out just the other night how old she is now. Neither of us can remember, and that is something that should be etched into our memories. It was painful. She was in our home for a week. The birthmom changed her mind because she got arrested and thrown in jail while running a red light on the way to the airport to flee the state - and we were advised, probably wisely, not to bail her out. She took the baby back in her anger, and fled the state anyway, leaving the baby with her grandmother. That would have been fine had grandma been a good parent, but we knew the family, and she was not a fit parent.
This is a good segue into the next phase. We became certified to foster parent several years later, thinking we could foster adopt. There was an article in our newspaper last Sunday regarding the number of grandparents in our state that raise their grandchildren. They don't ask for state assistance most of the time, even though they would qualify, and it is estimated that saves the state $116,000.00 per day. PER DAY. All to keep the kids out of foster care. We put what they said was too many restrictions on what we would accept into our home. They knew we wanted a permanent placement anywhere from newborn to three years old. We never got a call, and if it's because the grandparents are raising the kids, that is okay.
On to intercountry adoption. Frankly, after a failed domestic adoption we were scared shitless to go that route again, and by then I felt too old to market myself to a teenaged mother.
Most adoptions are driven by the female in the relationship. MFH was a willing participant in our case. He was the rock. I say that because the adoption process got to be an emotional nightmare for me. We hit a lot of snags along the way, and it took longer than the norm at the time. Now I know there is no such thing as the norm, but back then all I knew was that I had waited all my life to mother this boy, and he was thousands of miles away from me, growing without us.
Then I got to hold him. I still remembered the pain, but it wasn't nearly as sharp, and over time it has faded much like the pain of labor, I suppose.
I knew that in all probability, we would adopt only once. But I still think about it. I'm sure The Boy would benefit from having a sibling, and I am haunted with the reality that he will one day bury one of us by himself. Oh, hopefully he'll be grown with a family, but there is no guarantee of that. MFH does not really want to go through the process again. I don't blame him, and we are so lucky to have what we have. I know that. The Boy is a blessing. Many women out there cannot afford fertility treatments or adoption. I am thankful for what I have.
But damn it would be fun to adopt another boy and name him Angus.
posted by Well-heeled mom @ 8:04 AM
1 Comments:
At 7:30 AM,
DD said…
Would it be stupid for me to correlate that to a miscarriage? If it is, I apologize up front. That thought scares me to death when it comes to weighing domestic and int'l adoption.
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