The One that got away
I don't usually cook Thanksgiving dinner. I like to spend it in the city with my mom just so I can partake of the shopping opportunities the next day. This year it just didn't work out to leave Joel, even though he's Canadian and could not care less about our holiday. I didn't want to leave the 17 year old unsupervised overnight. So, we are hosting and our families will join us. All four of them that live within driving distance.
Am I stressed? Not really. I love to cook, and what could be easier than turkey?
The Boy woke me up last night at 3:00 with, "Please mommy! Come!" He settled down quickly and I went back to bed.
My thoughts turned to The Girl. I don't think of her often.
In 1997 my nephew told us of a young woman that had a baby girl that she did not want to parent. She was six months old and bi-racial. Would we be interested in adopting her?
We had to put things together very quickly. We hired an attorney, scheduled a homestudy with an agency, and got her a plane ticket. She flew in. The Girl was beautiful. We had a social worker meet them to make sure this is what bmom wanted and give her opportunity for counseling. The social worker told me, "I have never met a woman more unattached to a baby. I doubt she will change her mind, but she is a flight risk." We needed her to meet with the judge and terminate her parental rights. First we had to have the homestudy, and they were backed up.
In a well orchestrated plan, Bmom left the baby with her sister, and took off for the airport to leave town. On the way she was in an accident. There was an outstanding warrant for her arrest and she was thrown in jail.
Sister called and asked us to take the baby. She could not take care of her.
Yes, we had the baby in our home.
Bmom called and wanted us to bail her out of jail. Legal counsel forbade us to do that. I can see why. Did we want her to turn to us everytime she had a problem for the rest of our lives? No. I wanted her to keep in touch with the baby. In reality, I think she would have moved on with her life and not even done that - until she needed something. We wanted to raise the baby, not the mother.
In the end, out of spite, she terminated the adoption proceedings. Then, she left the baby with her grandmother and skipped town. We grieved this loss, and it took us five years to move on to another adoption. This time international, with fewer risks. Even though it is rare, MFH said, "It will be over my dead body that anyone ever takes a child from my home again."
I am a firm believer in "it was meant to be". If we hadn't lost The Girl, we might never have received The Boy.
I am so thankful for my many blessings. I am most thankful for my son, and the woman who gave me the opportunity to become his mother.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Am I stressed? Not really. I love to cook, and what could be easier than turkey?
The Boy woke me up last night at 3:00 with, "Please mommy! Come!" He settled down quickly and I went back to bed.
My thoughts turned to The Girl. I don't think of her often.
In 1997 my nephew told us of a young woman that had a baby girl that she did not want to parent. She was six months old and bi-racial. Would we be interested in adopting her?
We had to put things together very quickly. We hired an attorney, scheduled a homestudy with an agency, and got her a plane ticket. She flew in. The Girl was beautiful. We had a social worker meet them to make sure this is what bmom wanted and give her opportunity for counseling. The social worker told me, "I have never met a woman more unattached to a baby. I doubt she will change her mind, but she is a flight risk." We needed her to meet with the judge and terminate her parental rights. First we had to have the homestudy, and they were backed up.
In a well orchestrated plan, Bmom left the baby with her sister, and took off for the airport to leave town. On the way she was in an accident. There was an outstanding warrant for her arrest and she was thrown in jail.
Sister called and asked us to take the baby. She could not take care of her.
Yes, we had the baby in our home.
Bmom called and wanted us to bail her out of jail. Legal counsel forbade us to do that. I can see why. Did we want her to turn to us everytime she had a problem for the rest of our lives? No. I wanted her to keep in touch with the baby. In reality, I think she would have moved on with her life and not even done that - until she needed something. We wanted to raise the baby, not the mother.
In the end, out of spite, she terminated the adoption proceedings. Then, she left the baby with her grandmother and skipped town. We grieved this loss, and it took us five years to move on to another adoption. This time international, with fewer risks. Even though it is rare, MFH said, "It will be over my dead body that anyone ever takes a child from my home again."
I am a firm believer in "it was meant to be". If we hadn't lost The Girl, we might never have received The Boy.
I am so thankful for my many blessings. I am most thankful for my son, and the woman who gave me the opportunity to become his mother.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
posted by Well-heeled mom @ 9:45 AM
3 Comments:
At 1:20 PM,
[] said…
What a sad story; I feel terrible for children who end up as pawns in their parents' power games.
At 5:41 PM,
Alleen said…
That must have been the most horrible thing to go through. In the end, it was meant to be so you'd have your boy. But, it's hard to know what the master plan is while in the middle of something that seems so unfair.
Happy Thanksgiving.
At 12:53 PM,
Happy said…
We're currently in the waiting to be selected period of a domestic adoption and had one fail (we backed out, but it did turn out to be a scam). It is heart breaking. It sounds like everything has worked out for you.
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