Expecting
We started the adoption process on March 7, 2002. We sent our dossier, complete with the I171H (approval to adopt from a foreign country) from the USCIS, off to our agency at the end of May. On June 1 we accepted the referral of the baby boy who would eventually become our son. On March 10, 2003 we were in Guatemala picking up The Boy.
I had a lot of time to prepare for his arrival. Now I know that June 1 to March 10 is little more than nine months. On more than one occasion it was pointed out to me that it was the same amount of time as a pregnancy, as if I didn't know this. The difference is that my baby was already born and being cared for in another country by another woman.
While I was "expecting", I came to realize what I was missing out on by not being pregnant and actually giving birth to my baby. The good stuff like feeling him and hearing his heartbeat, the body changes, and knowing him from the beginning. Even the icky stuff like stretch marks, sore boobs, labor, and calling my husband names (or would that qualify as good stuff?).
I remember sitting on the floor in the baby section at W@lmart, sobbing, because I was looking through baby books and realized that I had nothing to write in most of the sections. (Eventually I did get a great baby book online geared towards adopted children.) I cried over the teeny tiny clothes that I'd never need and the cute little diapers that I'd never buy.
One of the things that I longed for was the pregnant belly pictures. I love those. Our friends E and A were expecting at the same time we were adopting. I got to show my referral pictures at her baby shower, and she is so cool she didn't even act like I was stealing her thunder. One day when A stopped by our house for a beer, I asked about E and how big she was getting and said how I envied her. I told him I was sad not to have any pregnant belly pictures. He told me to stand to the side and hold my shirt up and hold my beer out if front of me. Then he told me to smile, take a picture, and lable it "This is mommy when she was 9 months pregnant."
At least he made me laugh.
I had a lot of time to prepare for his arrival. Now I know that June 1 to March 10 is little more than nine months. On more than one occasion it was pointed out to me that it was the same amount of time as a pregnancy, as if I didn't know this. The difference is that my baby was already born and being cared for in another country by another woman.
While I was "expecting", I came to realize what I was missing out on by not being pregnant and actually giving birth to my baby. The good stuff like feeling him and hearing his heartbeat, the body changes, and knowing him from the beginning. Even the icky stuff like stretch marks, sore boobs, labor, and calling my husband names (or would that qualify as good stuff?).
I remember sitting on the floor in the baby section at W@lmart, sobbing, because I was looking through baby books and realized that I had nothing to write in most of the sections. (Eventually I did get a great baby book online geared towards adopted children.) I cried over the teeny tiny clothes that I'd never need and the cute little diapers that I'd never buy.
One of the things that I longed for was the pregnant belly pictures. I love those. Our friends E and A were expecting at the same time we were adopting. I got to show my referral pictures at her baby shower, and she is so cool she didn't even act like I was stealing her thunder. One day when A stopped by our house for a beer, I asked about E and how big she was getting and said how I envied her. I told him I was sad not to have any pregnant belly pictures. He told me to stand to the side and hold my shirt up and hold my beer out if front of me. Then he told me to smile, take a picture, and lable it "This is mommy when she was 9 months pregnant."
At least he made me laugh.
posted by Well-heeled mom @ 11:14 AM
2 Comments:
At 4:07 PM,
Not-So-Normal-Mom said…
Awesome!!! Don't forget missing out on throwing up, never looking good in a bathing suit again, and squeezing something the size of a melon out a hole the size of a lemon! Feeling the baby kick is an awesome experience, but speaking from experience, the anxieties of always wondering how the little guy is doing in there is something I don't miss. It must have felt good knowing that The Boy was healthy and waiting for you. The hardest part of being pregnant is the insecurity and worry. Great post!!!
At 5:27 PM,
hotdrwife said…
You know, I'm adopted. My mom went through a lot of those issues, too.
When I was a little girl, my aunt was pregnant with her second child. I was really curious and asked what was in her belly. My mom said a "a baby". When I asked her what was in her tummy, she said, "A tuna fish sandwich". HA.
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