Bringing up baby
MFH and I had very different upbringings.
My parents were very affectionate with each other and with us. I can count on one finger the number of times I remember getting a physical scolding from my parents. Not that I probably didn't deserve it more, but that wasn't how my parents disciplined us. My mom would raise her voice - though I wouldn't consider her a screamer - and all it took from my dad was a disapproving look or a threat. Our household was not neat as a pin - but we had a lot of quality family time and that is what I remember most.
MFH's mom was a screamer and a physical disciplinarian. She was quick tempered and strict. She would spend all night Friday cleaning house and the rest of the weekend bitch because she spent all Friday night cleaning. The kids were expected to be tidy, and if it wasn't up to her expectations, she would mess it up and they would do it over to her satisfaction. His father always worked two jobs and wasn't around a lot in the evening.
Our biggest differences of opinion arise in our parenting styles. I distress over this frequently. I am very tolerant of the little things, like squirming at the dinner table. I decided long ago to choose my battles carefully, so as to have some leverage when it came to the big stuff.
MFH is hard on the boy, much like his mother was with him. He is very intolerant of the little things, like squirming during dinner or board games. I attribute these things with six year old boys, while he thinks it is controllable behavior. He thinks The Boy's actions are deliberate and meant to push his buttons. While I do think The Boy is capable of that, I don't believe he spends his days conspiring ways to bug his dad.
Recently I was speaking to a friend that is working on her master's degree in counseling. She is MFH's aunt, so she was around to witness his upbringing. She told me that when we get angry, we resort to what we know - which is how our parents raised us.
Certainly we are all guilty of being too hard on our loved ones at times. Admittedly, I have regrets of my own when it comes to The Boy.
It's never been as important an issue to me as it is right now.
We are talking about adding to our family.
My parents were very affectionate with each other and with us. I can count on one finger the number of times I remember getting a physical scolding from my parents. Not that I probably didn't deserve it more, but that wasn't how my parents disciplined us. My mom would raise her voice - though I wouldn't consider her a screamer - and all it took from my dad was a disapproving look or a threat. Our household was not neat as a pin - but we had a lot of quality family time and that is what I remember most.
MFH's mom was a screamer and a physical disciplinarian. She was quick tempered and strict. She would spend all night Friday cleaning house and the rest of the weekend bitch because she spent all Friday night cleaning. The kids were expected to be tidy, and if it wasn't up to her expectations, she would mess it up and they would do it over to her satisfaction. His father always worked two jobs and wasn't around a lot in the evening.
Our biggest differences of opinion arise in our parenting styles. I distress over this frequently. I am very tolerant of the little things, like squirming at the dinner table. I decided long ago to choose my battles carefully, so as to have some leverage when it came to the big stuff.
MFH is hard on the boy, much like his mother was with him. He is very intolerant of the little things, like squirming during dinner or board games. I attribute these things with six year old boys, while he thinks it is controllable behavior. He thinks The Boy's actions are deliberate and meant to push his buttons. While I do think The Boy is capable of that, I don't believe he spends his days conspiring ways to bug his dad.
Recently I was speaking to a friend that is working on her master's degree in counseling. She is MFH's aunt, so she was around to witness his upbringing. She told me that when we get angry, we resort to what we know - which is how our parents raised us.
Certainly we are all guilty of being too hard on our loved ones at times. Admittedly, I have regrets of my own when it comes to The Boy.
It's never been as important an issue to me as it is right now.
We are talking about adding to our family.
posted by Well-heeled mom @ 8:24 AM
4 Comments:
At 11:21 AM,
Happy said…
Did I somehow miss something? Adding to your family? Adoption again?
At 11:23 AM,
DD said…
The hair just stood up on arms with excitement!!! Oh, I know that having two different styles of parenting can be a constant pain in the ass to deal with (as you know, Mr. DD is much like MFH, and also due to his upbringing), but that shouldn't get in the way of just being a loving parent. Maybe this way you can divide and conquer!!
At 1:48 PM,
Michelle Smiles said…
I try not to resort to what I know when I am angry but probably do...my parents were pretty okay but there are definite things I would like to avoid repeating.
How exciting! Thinking of adoption?
At 11:17 PM,
Not-So-Normal-Mom said…
I am so with you on this! We have the same issues...that being said, it all evens out. I am firm in my belief that they are children and should act as such. I have a 14 year old, and so far, so good. ;-) My children are well behaved and respectful. They also goof off and fidget. You and your spouse probably balance each other out perfectly. Good luck with the addition to your family. I hope that you are blessed with a healthy child.
Post a Comment
<< Home