What's In A Name?
We did not keep any portion of our son's birth name.
**GASP**
I know.
When we started the adoption process I used the internet to look up countries that had programs so we could decide on a direction in which to go. Then, I used the internet to find an agency to facilitate our adoption.
I did not know about any forums or boards or listservs or blogs that we could turn to ask questions or for advice. We were only the fourth family to use our agency for their Guatemala program, so that wasn't really a good resource either.
On the evening that we signed the paperwork with our agency, MFH and I were discussing names. I said that we should come up with a strong male name because I felt sure we would have a boy. We threw some names out there on the table when I mentioned a name I liked but it was so common. MFH came up with a variation that just worked.
We did not know that many, many people keep the birthname at least as a middle name if nothing else. When our agency called us with a referral, they asked what we were going to name him. Even they didn't mention keeping his birthname.
In Guatemala, most of the people have a first name, middle name, last name, last name. The Boy had an awful first name, last name, last name - no middle name.
On forums when you mention changing the birthname you get flamed big time. It's like you are stripping the child of his identity. I think by giving him the name we chose based on love and our desire to bring a child into our family, we also gave him an identity. We put a lot of thought and feeling into naming him, and he shares his middle name with generations of men who came before him in our family.
Do I think he'll hate us one day for changing his name? I don't know. A few weeks ago I was discussing this with my brother-in-law. He brought up a good point.
If he feels that strongly about it when he's older, he can always change it back.
**GASP**
I know.
When we started the adoption process I used the internet to look up countries that had programs so we could decide on a direction in which to go. Then, I used the internet to find an agency to facilitate our adoption.
I did not know about any forums or boards or listservs or blogs that we could turn to ask questions or for advice. We were only the fourth family to use our agency for their Guatemala program, so that wasn't really a good resource either.
On the evening that we signed the paperwork with our agency, MFH and I were discussing names. I said that we should come up with a strong male name because I felt sure we would have a boy. We threw some names out there on the table when I mentioned a name I liked but it was so common. MFH came up with a variation that just worked.
We did not know that many, many people keep the birthname at least as a middle name if nothing else. When our agency called us with a referral, they asked what we were going to name him. Even they didn't mention keeping his birthname.
In Guatemala, most of the people have a first name, middle name, last name, last name. The Boy had an awful first name, last name, last name - no middle name.
On forums when you mention changing the birthname you get flamed big time. It's like you are stripping the child of his identity. I think by giving him the name we chose based on love and our desire to bring a child into our family, we also gave him an identity. We put a lot of thought and feeling into naming him, and he shares his middle name with generations of men who came before him in our family.
Do I think he'll hate us one day for changing his name? I don't know. A few weeks ago I was discussing this with my brother-in-law. He brought up a good point.
If he feels that strongly about it when he's older, he can always change it back.
posted by Well-heeled mom @ 2:08 PM
5 Comments:
At 4:30 PM,
Alleen said…
We didn't keep any of our dd's birthname either.
It is actually very, very common that the birthname was given by the agency or lawyer and not the birthmom. You shouldn't feel bad for choosing a name that has meaning to you.
At 6:58 PM,
Andrea said…
I was worried about that, too. But like Alleen said, a lot of times the lawyers names the baby. So, I won't be too worried about it until I know how the baby was named. I don't think you did anything wrong, and your bro-in-law is right. Heck, I tried to change MY name a bunch of times. I was just being 11 :)
At 6:33 AM,
Anonymous said…
I wished after the fact we had kept Gabe's birth name. We most likely will with #2. However, I feel like you do, if Gabe wants to change his back, I won't be the least bit offended.
At 11:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
Naming politics is not something that would have ever entered my mind without actually having experienced it. How odd. It seems a deeply personal decision to me. He's YOUR son. I'm a bit shocked it's even an issue.
Thanks so much for posting so many of his adoption stories recently. I have been absent from the blogosphere, and am thrilled to have read your updates. I've bookmarked them, and will be showing them to the husband in the future.
Thanks so much.
At 1:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
you know, we hadnt kept any of her birthday name and then my husband (G-d bless him) had a moment of OH NO WE MUST KEEP SOMETHING....HOW ABOUT HER MIDDLE NAME?!
I said fine as I really didnt care much but now babygirl has a MOUTHFUL (we had already announced to his family that her middle name was his sister's (who has passed) name).
poor girl is saddled with a hyphenated FIRST NAME a middle name and a last name...AND we had chatted about hyphenating her last name (since I never took my husbands name) and now THAT isnt happening for sure :)
long chickenbussing way of saying that we were trying to be so "pc" and look SO into the future (will she feel stripped of her Guat-ness??!!) that we ended up adding the name and chances are she wont care.
dang.
Ive rambled.
great post :)
Carla
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