The Circle of Life

I was the apple of his eye.

His first daughter, my sister, was stillborn at full gestation. After that followed two sons. He slid to the floor and cried the day I was born, happy to have a daughter. Sixteen months later, the baby of the family followed, another boy.

My daddy was a giant of a man. I can remember looking up at him and thinking he could do anything in the world. He took care of us. He worked hard to feed 6 mouths. Later in his life he apologized for being gone so much working when we were kids. I don't remember him being gone at all. I remember him being there for me whenever I needed him.

One of my earliest memories of my daddy involves me being a very upset little girl and running away from home. Daddy sat on the steps and watched me walk down the street. When I came back home crying "I didn't think you'd let me run away!", he said, "I wouldn't have let you go far." He snuggled me into his lap while I cried. And he cried with me.

My dad was born in 1926. He had an eighth grade education, but he was one of the smartest men I'll ever know. He eventually owned a very successful company. He invested well and built himself an empire. He never wanted to retire, because when people retire they have nothing to do and they die. When he sold his business he started dealing in antiques, so I guess he never really retired after all.

My dad was awesome on the dance floor. He and my mom were the couple that everyone else stopped to watch. They were as one, and floated along effortlessly in time to the music. I loved to watch them, and I loved to dance with him even though I did not inherit that gene at all.

My dad had congenital heart failure. He had two open heart surgeries. There were several times we should have lost him, but didn't. I love that we had those false alarms, because there was nothing left unfinished. Nothing left unsaid. We were able to gather around him as a family for a week when he was still feeling good. He later told my mom that it was the happiest time he could remember in his life.

My dad never got to meet my son. It is because of my dad that we were able to adopt him, able to pay the expenses involved in adoption. He was there for me in death, just as he was in life.

My dad died five years ago today.

I miss him.